


she’s my collar.

by winonasawyer



Series: just me, and you. [2]
Category: Ratched (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Porn, Blood, Canon Rewrite, Choking, Cigarettes, F/F, Hickies, Is it considered blood drinking if they give you a hickey, like an excessive amount of hickies, pls read tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:15:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28862406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winonasawyer/pseuds/winonasawyer
Summary: “tell me about yourself.”“what do you want to know?”“anything. why are you here, drinking alone at a women’s bar?”“i heard my..partner having sex with another person. not exactly a great experience, so here i am, trying to numb the pain with a shitty glass of rum. does that satisfy you?”“maybe. i’m sorry that happened.”“it’s fine.”“let me buy you a drink. maybe you could tell me more about this partner?”“is this a trap?”“only if you want it to be.”continuation of “call me nothing, treat me like trash.”
Relationships: Gwendolyn Briggs/Mildred Ratched
Series: just me, and you. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117700
Comments: 22
Kudos: 53





	she’s my collar.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunonyourback](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=sunonyourback).



> hello! the user @sunonyourback suggested this, and i decided to write it for them! i hope u like it <3
> 
> WARNING- THIS INVOLVES CHOKING! please, if you do try or are interested in choking during sex, TALK TO YOUR PARTNER!!! keep note of this warning loves :)

“tell me about yourself.”

“what do you want to know?”

“anything. why are you here, drinking alone at a women’s bar?”

“i heard my..partner having sex with another person. not exactly a great experience, so here i am, trying to numb the pain with a shitty glass of rum. does that satisfy you?”

“maybe. i’m sorry that happened.”

“it’s fine.”

“let me buy you a drink. maybe you could tell me more about this partner?”

“is this a trap?”

“only if you want it to be.”

-x-

first, she thinks of mildred. 

she thinks of the wet that clung to her thighs and the anger to her heart, and how empty she felt when the moaning finally stopped. she’s tired though, of crying and giving mildred any time of day. the rain lulls her calm, and she soaks in the peaceful quiet. at some point she shits off the radios, standing nude and still smoking the cigarette in her hand. 

the ground against her feet is cold, and gwendolyn hates how it feels the same as mildred’s glares. she thinks she ought to put on some clothes, lessons about modesty and sin whispering in her ears, but she’s tired and honestly god can fuck off now. 

she needed to stop falling for these women. to stop acting as if they were heaven sent simply because of their pretty face or the curves on their bodies. rain howls outside her window, and gwendolyn wishes whoever was in mildred’s room trips on it. (if his neck breaks that’s just an added bonus.)

“awfully cold,” she says to the air. the air in turn listens, but doesn’t respond. “i hope mildred fucking freezes.”

her skin erupts in goosebumps. she tosses her cigarette to the floor, not bothering to properly throw it away. the blood in her veins is still pumping like fire, and with burning hands she plucks another cigarette. 

the flame lit her face in an orange hue. it called to her, and she answered. her fingers felt the overwhelming warmth of the fire, and she blinked, telling herself to focus instead on lighting the cigarette and not her fingers. when she inhales, the smoke creeps down her throat, sitting plump in her chest. 

lightning growled. she smiled, still painfully nude.

“yeah? fuck you too.”

-x-

kisses are for marriage. or for going steady. they certainly aren’t for casual hookups (not that she even should be having casual hookups. she’s married, and didn’t god say something about sex not involving marriage? about sex with women?)

here is why she goes to these bars: usually, they’re all she has. in these bars, in little hole in the wall places, women like her can exist; flourish without fear of being run out of their homes or families. she can drink herself silly while soft singing penetrates her head, and can drag a girl away to soothe the throbbing pressure under her stomach. there are some she avoids, for they stare at her like she’s meat and the drinks are shitty, but at bars like this? gwendolyn can stumble her way through them, will the ache that resides in her to stop. (she can forget about mildred, with her honey doe eyes and lips she wants to bite over and over until they bleed.)

she fucks women, because she can’t help herself. 

most women are beautiful, irresistible beings that make gwendolyn red in the face and wet between her thighs. her eyes would be drawn to them, almost as if their entire being was hypnotic. certain death by a finger’s curl. they tasted of pure sweetness, and gwendolyn would eat from them like her stomach was empty and they were the only source of food. she breathed in their candy scents and their hairspray and felt them spread over her skin like lava. 

women were puzzles, challenging and confusing and oh so maddening. she would spend hours if she could, carefully taking apart them- seeing what makes the whimper; what makes them scream. subconsciously, she seems to seek out these puzzle women, and gwendolyn doesn’t exactly know how to react to that. (she’s always loved challenges. when she was a small girl, she would spend hours in the living room; solving and unsolving riddles or puzzles. her mother hated it, saying a lady should be studying the bible, or learning to sew. her mother never knew anything but the church though, so gwendolyn just ignored her.)

if someone asked, why she was like this, she wouldn’t answer. why did it matter? why did they care? she wasn’t hurting anyone, so what was the problem? why did being straight matter? being gay? why did any of it matter?

-x-

patricia was kissing down her neck. 

gwendolyn had no idea how it happened, but it was. soft lips kissed behind her ear, the warmth of her breath sending shivers down her spine. her blouse was unbuttoned to the third, the top of her cleavage greeting the open air. gwendolyn should feel embarrassed; the back of the bar not exactly the most secretive place- but she couldn’t find it in her to care. 

the woman’s teeth grazed her collarbone, her fingers messing with the hair at the back of gwendolyn’s scalp. “fuck,” she groaned, head snapping back and blue eyes drooping. “i’m guessing you like that?” patricia’s voice was smug, and gwendolyn wished to claw at her for it. 

“don’t ask such stupid questions. yes i like it.”

“aggressive, huh?” 

“just keep kissing me.”

patricia obeyed. her lips turned bloody as she bit down against the pale of gwendolyn’s neck. and gwendolyn gasped, tears springing in her ocean colored eyes. she pulled on patricia’s hair, fingers sinking deep in burgundy strands, gwendolyn fell into the woman before her. she was lost, and when the door to the bar opened and a woman stormed inside, she didn’t even look at her. she had no use for the bitch, whoever she was. 

with that thought she went back to focusing on patricia’s kisses. she was a biter, teeth constantly tracing along gwendolyn’s skin. for a moment, gwendolyn wondered what mildred would say, before reality came storming down. she didn’t belong to mildred ratched, and the woman couldn’t give two fucks about her. 

she sighed, letting the blood trickle down her chest.

-x-

mildred comes in thrashing and mad, and for the life of her- gwendolyn can’t fucking figure out why. she pulls patricia off of her, almost rabid with her eyes blown and chest heaving. gwendolyn gapes, because her voice has failed her and she doesn’t even know what’s happening. 

“get off of her you two cent, whore.” 

patricia jumped back, confusion and offense written on her face. she looked down at mildred’s fuming frame and laughed, a hand fixing her hair with bored hands. “so this is the famed mildred ratched. funny seeing you around these parts.”

mildred scowls, the expression turning her face sour. “i don’t particularly care or want to know how exactly you know my name, but let it be known that i’m deadly serious. get off of gwendolyn before i gouge your eyes out.”

“why should i? it seems to me like gwendolyn is enjoying herself just fine. and aren’t you the woman who was playing hooky with another? with a man?”

“it is none of your business what i do in private. it is however, my business when you decide to get frisky with gwendolyn, especially since she wouldn’t be caught dead with a woman like you.”

“so now you insult me?” patricia laughed. gwendolyn blinked. everything felt heightened, life once viewed through a fault camera lense- suddenly shifting into focus. something sick is making rest in her chest, and she stumbles between the two women. 

goddamn it, things had been so much simpler when she didn’t know mildred ratched existed. 

“hey. the woman you both are referring to is here- and you don’t need to fight. look patricia, i’m sorry alright? but i need to go.” the words came out in a rush, and gwendolyn felt her head tip from the force of them. blood rushed to her cheeks when the others in the bar stared at them, but she remained firmly in the middle of them. patricia looked over at her with gwendolyn with an emotion she couldn’t name (she could name it. but fuck, she didn’t want to.)

“are you sure?”

with a sigh, gwendolyn looks toward mildred- mildred, whose eyes are fierce yet tainted with something that could (almost) be apologetic. mildred looked back at her, and their eyes met. 

“yeah,” she paused. “i’m sure.”

-x-

in mildred’s car, the air felt stifled and hot. it pressed against her windpipe, and had she been slightly weaker she would’ve begun to pant at the pressure. she didn’t though, for anger was pulsing through her veins and it dulled any other emotion from rearing its head. 

outside the world was like water color, blurry and useless. gwendolyn didn’t bother looking at it for too long, her tipsy mind too busy avoiding eye contact with the woman driving. 

“are you just going to avoid me this whole ride?”

gwendolyn paused. in her anger, she had honestly forgotten much about mildred’s presence. she barely reacted to the woman’s question, instead choosing to huff loudly. so what if she was acting childish? her head was currently pumped full of alcohol and rage- she was bound to act a little silly. 

beside her, mildred sighed. she too had been stewing in emotion, but it didn’t show on her face. she just drove, all though neither her nor gwendolyn had the slightest idea of where they were going. road stretched ahead, and for a second gwendolyn wondered if they had left the state. (she then promptly screamed for her brain to shut the fuck up, hands curling into fists over her lap.)

“gwendolyn.” 

“what? i thought i made it pretty clear i have no wish to talk to you.” she meant for the words to come out harsh, but instead they cracked and she cursed at her weakness. her nails, usually dull, dug into the flesh of her palms; bloody crescents forming in their wake. 

“please gwendolyn, just talk to me. look, i know what i did was wrong, alright? but i can’t just sit here and let you do that to yourself-“

“why do you even care?!” her emotions, all of them bad and ugly, exploded from her chest and came gushing out of her mouth. hot, aggravated tears poured down her flushed cheeks, making her watercolor vision even more faulty. 

“i care because i’ve seen what drinking that much does to a person! i care because for some reason, my life isn’t complete without you in it!”

mildred was yelling back, the skin over her knuckles stretched white and taut. gwendolyn’s heart stuttered, butterfly like and fragile. “oh, you don’t get to do that, not after you pushed me aside and treated me like shit! you didn’t care about me, mildred- all you cared about was leading me on!”

“that’s not true! fuck, gwendolyn, that isn’t even close to the truth-“

“so then tell me the truth! why did you fuck that man, knowing that i could hear him?! did you want to make me jealous, or was it simply just a game to you?”

a red flush spread across mildred’s cheeks, whether from anger or embarrassment- gwendolyn didn’t know. she scoffed anyway though, the bloody crescents digging deeper in her hands. the rage in her chest was burning like a candle, flickering at the edges and burning her lungs around it. “you can’t even explain, can you? pull over mildred.”

brown eyes snapped over at gwendolyn, her grip on the wheel tightening that much more tighter. “no, what the hell? gwendolyn i’m not just going to pull over-“

“you will pull over, damnit, or god help me, i’ll break these damn doors off myself.”

“will you stop interrupting me! fuck, gwendolyn, we need to talk about this!”

“i asked you to pull over!”

“and i asked you to stop interrupting me! please, just listen to me. i’ll take you to a motel and we can talk about this, i’ll explain everything- i promise.”

gwendolyn just rolled her eyes, red seeping under her nails. (she wondered if she could clench her hands any tighter. would her fingers eventually tear through her palm? would her bones snap under her skin and fracture like bow strings? she wondered, and her hands bled red.)

-x-

the sheets under her were thin, irritating and cotton. gwendolyn winced at the feel of them , her irritation with the situation starting to get to her. 

“mildred,” she paused, breathing in the stale scent of the room. “why are we here?”

said woman was standing awkwardly in front of gwendolyn, fiddling with her fingers. she looked nothing like herself- a queen stripped of her throne; now exposed with her vital organs spread. she opened her mouth a few times, hoping the words would find their way to her- that she would be able to fix everything by just explaining her actions. maybe it was foolish, but she hoped (and stood gaping because of it). 

“goddamn it, mildred. mildred!”

blinking quickly, mildred focused once again on gwendolyn. she seemed flustered, and gwendolyn hated the part of her that felt bad. “so,” she asked, the urge to run away much more intense now, “are you going to talk to me or just stare at your hands all night?”

“gwendolyn..”

“no, mildred. i want- no i deserve some type of explanation. for christ’s sake, mildred, you’ve been leading me on this entire time, and now suddenly you know exactly where i am and you are two steps away from fighting someone over me! please, for once, just be honest with me.”

silence. painful in its way was all she heard. it stretched on, and just as it brinked on the edge of torment- mildred sighed, moving closer to gwendolyn with a sigh of defeat. 

“fine,” a sigh, “i’ll tell you everything.”

(fucking finally.)

-x-

they’re kissing now, heavy and desperate against each other’s lips. 

mildred is straddling her, her dark hair falling over their heads like a curtain. gwendolyn’s hands get lost in the process of trying to take mildred’s blouse off, and she gasps when sharp teeth teasingly bite down on her kiss bruised bottom lip. 

“no biting,” she gasped, but her hips bucked up and mildred looked at her like she could sense all of her bullshit. 

“i didn’t bite you, i simply nipped you. two very different things.”

gwendolyn huffed, but her cheeks flamed pink and wetness flooded her center. “just-shit, no biting!”

mildred laughed between kisses, a finger tilting gwendolyn’s head up. “okay, maybe i bit you that time.”

“god, you’re a headache.”

“you love it though.” mildred’s kisses are trailing down and she growls when she sees the bright red mark against gwendolyn’s neck. a red manicured nail traces around its sharp edges, and suddenly mildred’s teeth sink into the crook of her shoulder. 

“fuck!” pleasure and pain shot through her, leaving her open and wounded. she moaned, pulled apart at the seams and mind turning useless. through blurry vision, she saw mildred pull away, her teeth pink (stained with blood and lipstick) and her tongue slurp up the saliva that drooled out her mouth. below (patricia’s) the hickey, mildred’s hickey lies- larger and deeper and pulsing with every breath. 

“what the hell.. m-mildred! i thought i told you not to bite!”

mildred’s laugh was like honey, a warm staccato beat that sent gwendolyn’s heart racing. “whoops,” that damn honey staccato again, “my bad.”

gwendolyn groaned, her fingers digging into mildred’s waist in a cheap attempt to strike revenge against the woman. mildred just whimpered, continuing her intoxicating trail of kisses. 

“shirt. off, now.”

a brown brow quirked, and mildred looked down at her with a smirk. gwendolyn didn’t know if she wanted to kiss or slap it off (she would say slap but something about mildred all bloody, especially now, is doing funny things to her heart). “what was that?” mirth dripped off her words, and in retaliation- gwendolyn pinched the skin of mildred’s ass. the woman jumped, but her smug tone was not dropped. 

“take your shirt off.”

a smile like sour candy spread across mildred’s face, and gwendolyn scowled. the hand grasping the soft of mildred’s backside squeezed, and with satisfaction, gwendolyn watched as the ice statue of a woman bit her own lips, a strangled moan ripping from her throat. still though, mildred didn’t comply-and her shirt stayed stubbornly on.

“oh for fucks sake-take your goddamn shirt off!”

“maybe if you ask nicel-gwendolyn!”

suddenly their positions were switched; so that gwendolyn was staring down mildred, keeping her wrists held above her held. mildred gasped, hands straining under the force of gwendolyn’s hands. her chest was heaving, and gwendolyn dropped one of her hands to urge the brunette out of her blouse. inch after inch of beautiful pale skin met her eye, and gwendolyn dripped at the sight of it. “if i tell you to take off your shirt, you fucking take it off.”

“i’ve never been one to easily submit, darling.”

“well you better get used to it, baby. fuck, why does your shirt have so many damn buttons?!”

mildred laughed, amused with gwendolyn’s struggle. “having a little bit of trouble there?”

“oh hush. this wouldn’t be a problem if you had just taken the shirt off the first time.. fucking finally!”

her almost childlike excitement made mildred blush, the rouge spreading to her chest like ink. gwendolyn’s mouth found its way around an exposed shoulder. with one hand she unclipped mildred’s bra, not watching as it fell to the floor, along with her shirt and slacks. eventually, mildred was spread nude, blushing and dripping onto the sheets. 

“fuck, you’re gorgeous.” the words were spoken against a stiff nipple, and mildred keened from them-head through back and mouth gaping. a whimper cracked through the air, and gwendolyn bathed in it.

“such pretty breasts..”

“g-gwendolyn, fuck, stop talking.”

the blonde chuckled, the sound wrapping around mildreds neck and forcing a moan from her throat. “hmm..why should i?”

“because i want to fucking cum!”

at her outburst, gwendolyn snapped up, fingers wrapping around mildred’s neck. blue and brown met, one pair widening while the other stayed cold. “beg for it,” gwendolyn growled, applying the slightest of pressure with her fingers. alarm bells (little ones, like christmas time) rang in mildred’s mind but she didn’t push gwendolyn off. she just stared, skin flushing even brighter and arousal pooling in her gut. 

“beg for it, like you begged for that bastard to fuck you into the sheets. i want you to forget his fucking name by the time i’m done with you.”

“gwendolyn..”

“beg for it.”

and mildred gasped, letting the final ounce of her pride slip away like golden sand. 

“please,” she whined. “please fuck me, lick me, touch me, shit gwendolyn! please, do anything you want to me, just let me fucking cum.”

gwendolyn smiled, her eyes shining and heart racing. 

“baby, that’s all i ever wanted to hear.”


End file.
